my head is on the verge of exploding with ideas, dreams, desire, and i remain packed tightly into a cardboard box, unable to escape. walking around on a sunday hidden in a giant mass of black fabric, a stupid square cap on my head, shivering as i watch the past four years of my life freeze and compacted into the toes of my shoes is not my idea of living, it’s still bothering me and i can’t shake this terrifying feeling. i feel accomplished yet completely broken from everything i have ever dreamed of. sunday night i forced smiles, wishing i could really feel what i wanted, and in the end i gave in, let a boy cover me in lustful bruises, cried with my head against his chest and helplessly tried to drown myself in a pool of optimism. monday morning i said goodbye to a 10 by 5 enclosure that has destabilized me over and over, i am always saying goodbye. i stare at my bruises in the mirror and wish for more, but it all just seems too far away.
