zombie

Today is one of those “I really want to be a different person right now, why am I feeling so terrible, nothing terrible has happened but I want to lay in bed all day because I have no energy and am feeling weirdly anxious and don’t want to be around people even though I have five million things I need to be doing right now, and I feel like I’m in my angry zombie mode and completely blew off two important appointments to do a whole lot of nothing except lose self-control” days. I feel like I’m still recovering from my stupidly dirty antics on saturday night, ummm, way to go. There’s one word to sum up my life for the past few days: WOOPS.  It’s getting weirder to think about how much of an extrovert with social anxiety I am. WHEN did this happen? Ever since the semester started I’ve been feeling these weirdly familiar pangs of how I felt at the beginning of sophomore year, which is making me more nervous than anything right now. I know I’m pretty guilty of constantly being avoidant, something that I had been working so hard to get over (and it was working, too! shit.) but now I just feel terrible, like I’m falling back into this highly depression-prone state and I can’t get out of it. Stupid! I want to write more in this stupid thing butttttt I am going to throw up.