ehhhh

I’ve been thinking about past winters a lot and it’s making me feel weird things that I don’t want to feel. I was hungover this morning which was awkward as I puked for an hour on a Tuesday morning, can you imagine, Tuesday, the worst day of my week?! Kate made some comment about how ‘that will teach you stop drinking everyday’. Uhhh. The best part was that I had a five million hour conversation with Jenn while I was wasted last night and told her all this stuff that was really unnecessary, forgot about it, and then remembered today at like 11am mid-puke, while looking at the streaks of mascara all over my face, thinking about how damn attractive I was at that moment. I’m pretty frustrated with myself. I’m supposed to be somewhere but instead I’m going to listen to Yann Tiersen, paint my nails, drink 3 bottles of diet coke, and write in my humanistic journal in a little bit, I have such an interesting life. I’m so damn exciting, with my four journals and the random shit i write all over half-blank papers laying around and my online blog that I fill with ramblings and incoherent babble. YEAH. Anyway, the frustration is related to my stupid anxiety that is burning a hole in my fucking chest, it’s getting to the point where I don’t know how much more of this bullshit I can handle without going completely insane/being drunk all the time. ehhhhh. Plus I really wanted to tell my story in seminar today but by the time I had thought about it for 2 hours and overanalyzed all my thoughts, it was time to leave. Idiot. This weekend I’m going home and Devin’s coming with me which will be very interesting, to say the least. Lately I’ve been feeling like all parts of my body, minus my chest, have been sedated and then my chest is just about to explode into a million little pieces inside me and no one will ever know and my eyes will just open really wide and I’ll try to say something but nothing will come out and it’ll all just be over, just like THAT, poof! I’ll be gone and it’ll be my crazy anxiety’s fault.