My stomach is empty during the day, my legs hurt at night and I am enjoying solitude for the very first time. I’m sitting at my window, it’s dark and everybody can see but I just want to look and I’m not hiding. Grey is blending at every angle and your hands are waving, it’s windy and you need comfort because you cannot control your fingers. All I can think about is the way hair sits on your head and how I can’t look away as your mouth goes through the motions. I try to listen to the words as they pour out but I can’t hear anything you’re saying, I just look at the flesh and the beauty I can’t help but notice above everything else. I sip my wine a little too quickly and you smile nervously, you know, the one where your mouth crinkles and shifts upward on the left making you look deceivingly asymmetrical, I know exactly what you’re thinking. You’re not forcing it, your eyes shine briefly as you whisper in my ear and it’s all the proof that I’ll ever need. I won’t fall for it under the dim lights, I’ve got a long way to go and your words laced with desire won’t stop me. Haven’t you seen my new act? It’s real easy for me to disappear, what once was a hobby has become my driving force. I will never explain myself, I can never explain myself, I can never sleep, only lose a little shame and lie through my teeth, pull the sheets tighter over my head every morning but the nights are just getting longer and I don’t want your black tulips anymore. I’ll leave the music on if it helps you fall asleep but our veins are no longer intertwined and I don’t understand why nothing feels different to you.
